Pandora’s Box #8

Pandora's Box Beauty Pie

Beauty Pie’s signature category: the notorious Pandora’s Box. In here we put the most useless beauty products that collect dust and take up space in our bathroom cabinets.Products in this category aren’t necessarily bad (as we believe that there’s no such thing as bad cosmetics), but these items either didn’t fit in in our daily routines, didn’t fulfill what was promised on the packaging or just didn’t meet our expectations. We’ve all been there sometimes: impulsively buying a bar of unreasonably luxurious soap, or yet another brow pencil, or simply because something is on sale or virtually free. Well, next time think twice, have you seen it flying out of Beauty Pie’s Pandora Box? Put it back on the shelf.

From left to right:

We might be particularly picky when it comes to body scrubs, but that’s because there’s a hard-core exfoliation fan among us. What we’re normally looking for is a rather harsh back-rubbing goodness, proper and deep moistening, pleasant, if not seductive, scent and long-lasting partnership that won’t run out after a couple of uses. So what do we get with NUXE Fondant Body Scrub? A bath product that smells of nothing (although it claims to contain orange and almond blossom petals), that doesn’t clean, let alone peel the skin, and as you’ll naturally double the amount of scrub to get some efficiency out of it, you’ll be amazed how soon you’ll be squeezing the last drops of this muddy mess out of the package. And what a mess it is! After rinsing it off your body, count on extra 10 minutes for chasing its traces with a showerhead all around your bathroom.

We came to NARS looking for a lipstick foundation but instead the sales assistant offered us Instant Line & Pore Perfector. We should have been alarmed by the fact that there was nothing to indicate that it could serve as such. Our bad. According to the package, it covers pores and fine lines, according to the seller, it can additionally work as a foundation for a lipstick. Well, none of it is true. Putting it on does not change the appearance of the skin at all and the texture… it reminds us of a… candle. It is so worthless that it makes us bitter to realize NARS actually charges money for it.

Well, maybe spending 20€ on a bar of soap is never a good idea, but Jo Malone sure knows how to package a bad deal as a winner. We mean, who doesn’t want to showcase an inscribed piece of modern cosmetics art on their bathroom sink? What if we tell you it smells of Lime Basil & Mandarin? However, if you intend to use it for something else than decoration, like, say, washing your hands, you might consider other options. It doesn’t foam, it doesn’t clean, and no, even at that price, it won’t double as a deliciously scented dessert. So really, why on Earth did we buy it?

We have to confess our lip care routine rarely goes beyond a balm and an exfoliator. But a visit to Aesop store made us think we need Rosehip Seed Lip Cream. Why? To do everything a balm can’t. The problem with this one is that it’s the other way round. In fact, any lip balm is practically almighty compared to this nonsense. Fortunately, it absorbs really quickly and leaves no traces, which is a good thing, as you can apply it and apply it and apply it… until it’s finally over.

Benefit‘s instant brow pencil ain’t the worst, but we’re very unlikely to recommend it to anyone. It is some sort of a hybrid between a pencil and a wax, and it so soft, that one sharpening is barely sufficient  to make both brows happen. There’s a brush on the other end, which you’re supposed to use after the application, although, when you do that, all the pigment ends up on the brush, leaving the brows pretty much exactly where you started. The pleasure of this Catch 22 will cost you 21€, hmmm, at least it runs out fast.

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